So Long, My Dear Tita

Dear Tita,

It's only been a few hours since you left us.  And yet here I am, writing about it already.  You might not have known that writing's my outlet when you were still alive, but now, I'm sure you already know... and that you will be able to read this, wherever part of heaven you may be at this moment.

Tita, it was so fast.  You left us so hastily.  That was probably the shortest, most painful hours of our lives, especially when your sisters were wishing and praying to prolong the moment so you could stay with us a minute longer.  I cannot explain how shocked I felt when we received the news.  I cannot describe mommy's almost hysterical response.  It was past 10pm last night, and I drove mom to Bulacan as fast as I could, even in my sleepwear.  As we drove, my mom was saying your name repeatedly, crying, it was a dreadful chant.  I tried to keep my cool 'coz I needed to focus, even when my hands were shaking and my head was filled with thoughts of you. 

We went straight to the morgue, you know it was my first time to be in such a place.  My other titas were there, crying.  Still, I managed not to cry.  I needed to be strong because mommy and all your sisters were weak.  But when I saw you, lying in that beautiful white casket, it hit me.  It was real, you already left.  No matter how hard I tried to keep my tears from falling, I could not help it, and I'm sorry.  My favorite tita, my most loved tita, is now dead.  My tita who was like my second mother, is gone.  It was difficult to accept.  Very difficult. It's painful, tita.

Tita, you taught me a lot of things.  You taught me how to be selfless.  You were a mother to me and to all my cousins, even if you were a biological mom to none.  You eagerly served us whenever we visited, not asking for anything in return.  You always cooked my favorite dishes whenever I was home and you knew I wouldn't eat vegetables. :) Your laughter and big grins were always a sight.  Your hilarious dance steps during our parties wouldn't show a sign that you had problems, or that you were feeling bad inside.  You were very appreciative, even of the smallest things.  You were always cheerful and merry, I think I got my always happy disposition from you. You always said that I looked like you whenever I went home and people would say I'm pretty.  Sinasabi mo lagi, "Syempre mana sa ale (tita)." :) Thank you tita.  I only have good memories of you.  Memories that I will forever cherish.

Now, I'm back here in Manila.  I need to fix things that we left when we frantically drove off last night.  As I said goodbye to you this morning, I saw you smiling at me.  I know you're happy now, tita.  Especially because your last words last night were for Jesus.  Before you breathed your last, you were able to call HIM and ask forgiveness for your sins.  You died praying, and we know that Jesus was there with you at that very moment. 

I love you, tita.  I'm happy that I was able to tell you that last week.  Through SMS, I told you for the first time that I loved you, and that I wanted you get better and healthier, because I still wanted you to live longer.  I didn't know that it was going to be my last message to you, too.  I love you tita.  I love you. I'll go back to Bulacan tomorrow night, and the night after that.  I'll see you smiling at me again.  And after this phase of our lives, when we move forward with no more Tita Emer in the physical world, you will still stay alive in our hearts and in our minds.  You will never be forgotten tita.  Until we see each other again. So long.

For my Tita Emer

 IMELDA C. PALOMO

1970 - 2011